Hairy Woman
by RedHeadWolf
Summary: Murdoc finds a hairy surprise in his winnebego and now has plans to get rid of her. Rated for Murdoc related instances. Chapter 6 now in! R&R PLEASE!
1. The Waking

I do not own any part of Gorillaz or any kind of sleeping pill.

I was really bored at school while I wrote this so it may be kind of crappy. I hope you like my first FanFic! Also the next chapters may be a bit longer. Please read and review!

Thoughts are in _Italics._

Chapter 1 Sewer Zombies (Dun dun dun!)

Very early in the morning Murdoc crept out of his run-down Winnebego. But unfortunately for him he stepped on some pans he had left on the floor for Cortez to eat out of.CRASH! All of the pans clanged together and made a horrible racket.

"Ahhhh! Bloody stupid pans!" Murdoc cried as he slipped onto his face.

Crying out made his head throb even more than it already did. The night before he had been at a party down town and had found a lady friend. Now he wanted to get rid of her. Since he was so wasted the night previous he had no recollection of who or what he took home. So today when Murdoc woke up he found a very hairy surprise. A huge woman who looked more like a monkey than a lady was lying on his bed. He then heard a noise.

Murdoc got up and whirled around in his tracks. The monkey lady was standing in the living room.

"Whatcha doin'?" she asked in a scratchy voice while itching herself unmercifully in Murdoc's view.

Murdoc thought quickly while scanning the room for anything useful. _Frying pan, no, pillow, hell no, AHA! _

"Well love I thought you might need some water." Murdoc said in a forced smile. He handed her a glass of water "Oh and these." he then gave her some white pills.

She greedily downed the water and pills. In a moment she was asleep on the roach infested couch.

Murdoc laughed maniacally and held up a bottle of pills. "Extra strength sleeping pills. Puts you out. For a long time." he laughed again and hopped out of his Winnie. He looked over at 2-D's room just as 2-D exited.

A genius plan hatched into Murdoc's evil head. "Hey you, Face Ache! C'mere! I gotta pretty little lady who needs to be taken home." Murdoc said.

"Hey," said a deep voice suddenly "you're talkin' to my boy all wrong. It's the wrong tone. Do it again and I'll stab you in the eye with a soldering iron." Russell sneered as he twitched his eye.

"Eh? Where in Satan's name did you come from?" Murdoc exclaimed, puzzled.

"From the store. I was shopping for clothes with Noodle. Oh yeah, the zombies are loose again and we had to go through the sewer. I ruined my clothes too," prompted Russell in a gush of words. He frowned. "Where're your pants man?"

Murdoc looked down. He noticed he was wearing his pink frilly boxers with purple flowers on them from his mother. "I...I couldn't see last night." stuttered a blushing Murdoc.

2-D suddenly spoke while trying not to laugh, "Hey where, where's Noodle?"

Russell glanced at 2-D. "She's comin'" he yawned. Then came a sound distant first but grew with a castrophany so immense it could be heard from space. (Just kidding:)

"HIIII YAHHH!" came a cry. Then there was a sickining squelching sound. "That teach you to mess with Noodle!" Noodle said to the, uh, twice-dead zombie.

Noodle walked in smiling. "Oh, kinichiwa 2-D."

"Err...good morning to you too. You know you smell like dead stuff right?" 2-D said, wrinkling his nose but smiling all the same.

"Umm...Right. Before I was rudely interrupted I asked 2-D if he could take home the lady in my Winnebego. So what do you say?" rendered a still blushing Murdoc.

"You'll let me drive your Winnie?" asked a highly and surprised confused 2-D.

"No you Numbskull! Take home the lady who is in my Winnie!" yelled Murdoc crankily.

Russell laughed. "Don't do it 2-D his 'pretty little lady' is actually a very **very** unattractive woman. In fact she looks more like an ape."

Everyone laughed.

Murdoc growled, "Oh yeah well, screw you guys I'm going home. Or maybe outside." _To find someone stupid enough to take this, erm, thing off my hands. Muahahahahaha!_

Ok well I won't write more 'till I get at least three reviews!


	2. Zombies

I don't own Gorillaz or any other kind of offensive messages. (Heehee)

Chapter 2 Zombies

The three band members watched their fourth member go outside. Once he was out of view 2-D laughed. Noodle and Russel joined in on cackling at Murdoc. Russel wiped his eyes with his sleeves.

"I haven't laughed so hard since…since…." Russel trailed off, staring into space. (Well actually he always kind of looked that way anyway.) Del eagerly came out of the slouching Russel.

"How long has it been since I've came out?" he asked looking from 2-D to Noodle.

"Well," said Noodle, counting. She was still grinning from Murdoc's incident "it has been since we made Rock the House video." Noodle looked up at 2-D's vacant eyes for conformation.

He grinned down at her. "Well I think you're right." he confirmed, patting her purple-haired head. He bent down. "Here, have a wollipop."

Del frowned. "Hey! What' 'bout me? Don't **I **get a wollipop?"

Suddenly an evil plan hatched into 2-D's mind. This would SO get Murdoc back for putting a zombie in his room. He whispered it into Noodles ear. Noodle had a look of surprise when she heard 2-D's GENIUS plan.

Suddenly, Noodle put a look on her face of such cuteness that Del's translucent ghost heart melted. "Awwww!" he said.

Noodle in her best English asked, "Del… could you please, PLEASE tell the zombies that Murdoc is wearing his pink undies again? We'll give you a wollipop."

Del smirked. " Pink undies huh?" he inquired. "I'LL DO IT!" he screamed.

Murdoc took a deep drag of his cancer sti- I mean cigarette and looked into Kong. He twirled his satanic, upside-down cross in his hand. _Now I still need to figure out who is SO stupid, idiotic, and well, dumb enough to take this er…lady, home. _Murdoc turned around to face the graveyard.

He nearly swallowed his cigarette. _Oh sh the fing zombies are awake! In the morning! _One particularly putrid zombie was about three feet away from him. Murdoc gasped and held out his lighter, hoping the fire would scare the zombies away. Instead they came closer and chanted, "You like pink, you like pink…" Murdoc screamed a VERY unmanly scream and ran into the carpark. Russel awakened and Del zoomed into his head.

"What the hell happened?" Russel asked. He looked over to where Murdoc was running. "Oh, that's right…" he mumbled. "Cool!"

All started laughing when Murdoc came by with a gorilla zombie pulling down his boxers like that sun-lotion commercial.

After about ten minutes everyone got bored and went upstairs to watch someone being chased by zombies on a DVD.

Murdoc's eyes trailed after their retreating backs. He yelled after them but they didn't answer. Murdoc sighed. He'd just have to take this manner into his own hands. Murdoc abruptly stopped in his tracks.

The zombie that was chasing him ran into the wall. Murdoc picked up the knife and…. (Now would be a good time to usher the kiddies out of the room.) stabbed the zombie where it's heart was supposed to be. The zombie wheezed and said in a very accusatory tone, "You could have just asked us to leave."

Murdoc squirmed as the zombies moved away, picking up dropped arms and legs. Murdoc felt a warm comforting flush of relief. He wet his pants. (JUST KIDDIN YA AGAIN!) He was tired and needed a nice morning nap.

He went to fall asleep on his bed. He had forgotten who was in there.

Please review! I really hope you are enjoying my dumb story!


	3. A tour with Bigfoot?

Ok. I hope to get more reviews this time. Here's the 3rd hairy chapter in the story of HAIRY LADY! DUN, DUN, DUN!

Chapter 3 A tour with Bigfoot?

Murdoc finally woke up from his nap. He looked over at his grimy alarm clock that he seldom used. It was 12:35. He remembered something of a dream. _Oh sh that wasn't a dream at all was it! _Murdoc got up off his bed and slowly went through the kitchen to see if the hairy lady was there. She was. And she was crying.

Murdoc for some reason felt some compassion for her and decided to sit next to her. Not close but on the same couch at least.

The hairy woman spoke in her scratchy voice. "Everyone does this to me. They get wicked drunk and then chuck me out the next day when they see my face." she took her face out of her hands and looked over at Murdoc.

Murdoc was feeling very uncomfortable at the moment and stared at his hands.

"Do you even know my name?" that haneous lady choked. "It's Nancy. My father is The Muffin Man and my mother is Bigfoot."

Murdoc chucked and said, "That would describe those delicious cookies last night."

Nancy glared. "Sure, you remember my cookies but not your promise. You said that you were rich and could give me money for plastic surgery. But you're a liar. Look at this piece 'o shiest, plastic surgery would cost more than this heap of trailer."

Murdoc grimaced. _Is she making fun of my beautiful Winnibego?_ "Listen lady, I am rich." Murdoc exploded. "I'll even give you a tour! I'll show you dullard's room, Nood's room, even Russel's bloody room!"

Nancy flinched as some yellowish spit flew at her face. "Ok… give me a tour of this place."

Murdoc hopped up immediately and took Nancy by her arm. He led her out of his Winnie and into the dingy carpark.

He showed her 2-D's frightful room. It was pretty much plastered in underwear and keyboards.

Nancy looked around while Murdoc exclaimed things such as, "So this was where my porn mag went!" or, "Ooh, another girlfriend to take away in this pic."

Next Nancy was shown the Japanese girl's peaceful room. It was very quiet except that there was a man's voice that kept saying, It's comin' up, it's comin' up it's Dare!

After about the third time this happened Nancy finally asked what the hell it was.

"Oh, that's Shawn, Noodle has him in there because-" Murdoc was cut short by Noodle coming into the room.

She gave Murdoc the evil eye and showed him out of the room.

"Right, well that was Noodle." Murdoc said. He usually got along with Noodle quite well unless she was severely upset.

"Now this is Lardo's room. He eats all of the time."

Sorry… Must SLEEP! I'll try to make the next chapters longer.


	4. Phsycology?

I don't own Gorillaz… And I didn't in the last chapter either. (But I'm sure that we ALL want to own Gorillaz somehow.) Oh yeah, I DO NOT own Cribs either. Oh AND, I do NOT mean to offend people who are very hairy.

And no I have NO idea where I

Chapter 4 Phsycology?

Nancy stared at the horrifying scene around her. Russel's room was packed with take-out boxes, plates, animal parts, and tons of garbage.

"I STILL do not believe you are rich. Where's all of your expensive furniture and maids? Where the hell is the culture in here?"

"Hey," Murdoc said, very touchy on the subject. "Most rich people wouldn't even know what culture was if it bit them."

Nancy shrugged. She had heard that term somewhere. Where though? Maybe people just used the phrase a lot.

Murdoc sighed. "Look lady I think you are very ugly. I don't even know why I am talking to you. I DO NOT LIKE YOU!"

Nancy grinned and said, "You're just angry because I AM right about you not being rich."

"Look lady, I've been on Cribs! I MADE the song Clint Eastwood and Feel Good Inc.!"

(Watch the amazing power of caps lock!) "OH MY GOD! ARE YOU FING KIDDING ME! THAT IS MY FAVORITE BAND! GORILLAZ!" Nancy then launched herself at the petrified Murdoc.

"Aaargghhhh!" bellowed the smooshed Murdoc. _How in bloody hell is she such a big fan of me… I mean us while she didn't even recognize me? _Murdoc cried out while the lady's uh, eew, hairy arm was getting into his mouth.

Finally Murdoc just bit the arm with his razor-teeth.

"OWWWW! WHAT THE FUDGENUTS WAS THAT FOR!" roared Nancy, spit flying. She ran into the lobby in hopes of finding Noodle.

Noodle looked up from her Butt-Kicking Weekly magazine in time to see the hairy woman throw something at Murdoc.

_Poor Murdoc-san he should not drink sake anymore. _Noodle frowned.

"What is wrong err, ma'am?" Noodle asked, not sure what to say.

Nancy broke into tears and Noodle took her by the hand to her room. Noodle sat Nancy down and politely asked for her name. Then Noodle bustled off into the corner.

"Nancy." said the unsettled muffin-ape as Noodle appeared suddenly with a tray of tea.

"Well, Nancy what is wrong?" the 14 year old questioned.

"Murdoc is angry at me because I have short-term memory. I forgot that you guys are my favorite band and I hugged Murdoc when the memory came back." Nancy averted her eyes downward. "Huh…. Guess no one likes me. It's okay though. I've lived my whole life that way." Noodle uncertainly patted Nancy's back.

"It's ok. When I first come here from Japan Paula would kick me. But when I kicked back she stopped. I stuffed her in the zombie closet."

Noodle and Nancy laughed.

**Ok I forgot! Noodle's B-Day was in January! Happy birthday! **


	5. SHUDDUP!

No…. I don't own the coolest band ever!

Chapter 5 SHUDDUP!

Murdoc hesitantly opened Noodle's door. He expected a tremendous shout from Noodle and Nancy but only heard the tinkling of water from Noodle's water fountain.

Murdoc edged into the room. He looked around, his eyes searching every nook until he looked up.

Murdoc screamed and yelled, "HOLY FING FISHPASTE! WHAT IN THE UNHOLY REALM OF SATAN ARE YOU DOING!"

Russel came from the elevator looking disgruntled. He grabbed Murdoc's neck and put his face near Mud's face. Russel screamed into his ear, "WHAT CHOO DOIN' YELLIN' MAN? WE'S TRYIN' TA EAT IN PEACE!"

"B-b-b-but the girls…look in there!" Murdoc sputtered "They were levitatin' I swear!"

Russel shoved Mud's face away and peered into the room.

"This betta be a joke," said Russel, removing his head from the door crack.

2-D walked by, slowing down as he saw the fatman and the Satanist looking into Noodle's room.

"Eh, what're you guys doin'?" 2-D, taller than the rest of the band, looked over their shoulders. "HOLY F! WOT THA HELL! THEY'RE FLOATIN' THEY IS! RUN! DEMONS!" 2-D then proceeded to yell and scream, running down the bloody-walled hall.

A sudden thud, two screeches, and giggling were heard in the room.

_Giggling? What the bloody hell? They were faking? _Murdoc gulped. He knew that Russel was gonna kick his ass.

_Why does everything bad happen to me?_

A little voice in his ear whispered, "'Cause yo an evil sonofabitch. If yo was nicer you'd get nica tings."

_Are you my demon or my good side? _

"Well I'm both. You are so evil that we both kinda melded togetha."

_Right…_

CRUNCH! 2D ran into Murdoc and the both fell down on top of each other.

"RAPE! RAPE!" screamed 2D.

Murdoc screeched back, "YOU ARE SUCH A HOMO!" with that Murdoc stormed out of Kong, presumably to his favorite pub.

Nancy and Noodle came out of Noodle's room laughing. They collapsed onto the floor. Russel simply rolled his white eyes and stepped over 2D and the laughing girls.

2D stared at the hairy woman. After about five minutes Nancy finally looked over at him.

"What do you want?" she frowned. 2D was creeping her out.

"Why are you so hairy?" 2D asked

Noodle sighed. "2D, don't ask such rude questions."

"No," said Nancy. "It's not rude. 2D I am hairy because my mother is bigfoot/sasquatch/yeti/whateversomepeoplecallher. And my Papa is the Muffin Man."

Russel rushed back into the room. "Did someone say muffins?"

Nancy and Noodle giggled.

"Hey, I'll go make some muffins for everyone."

With that they all went to the kitchen.

Sorry I haven't written in so long I had writer's block.


	6. It's those guys!

Dang….ok, it has been a LONG while since I've written…  Soooo, yeah…..

Chapter 6 IT'S THOSE GUYS!

Murdoc entered the smelly pub. Two guys were fighting over what seemed to be a paper with a phone number on it. They looked vaguely familiar….

"Beavis and BUTTHEAD?" he exclaimed. The two boys looked up.

Beavis said, "Hey, Butthead, isn't it that guy from Kiss?" Butthead with an expression-less face looked up and then over at Beavis.

"No you dumb-ass, it's that guy from that band with all the chicks. You know, uh, Gorillaz. Woah, you get lots of chicks." stated Butthead.

Murdoc smiled. _I think I've found who, or what, I've been looking for… _"So, you guys like girls huh? I have one, if you want her." Murdoc smirked even bigger and laughed.

"We're gonna score." said Butthead.  
"Haha, yeah score. BOI-I-I-I-I-ING!"

Murdoc grinned maniacally. "Come on boys, let's go to Kong Studios and meet her."

After they got settled in the Geep Murdoc floored it. Beavis flew out of the car hitting the windshield in the vehicle behind him.

"Woah," said Butthead, his small eyes widening, "That was cool."

Murdoc squirmed, knowing that it would be very bad if he got one more ticket for reckless driving.

Beavis got up and yelled, "I'm ok!" and got back into the Geep, this time buckling up.

Meanwhile, at Kong….

"Nancy, " Noodle said "why haven't you tried shaving?"

Nancy shrugged, "I'm afraid of sharp things." She took a bite of a muffin. "Plus I can't afford a razor."

Noodle sighed. "C'mere" and she led Nancy into Noodle's private bathroom. She picked up a razor and gave it to Nancy. " I'm gonna make you shave."

Murdoc revved the engine and sped through the gates to Kong. He came to a screeching halt near the garage and hopped out. Beavis and Butthead clung to each other, too scared to move. Murdoc pried them from the Geep.

They trudged up to the kitchen where a figure was watching TV, it was Noodle, and she had a smirk of utter satisfaction on her face.

"What are you smirking about? Asked Murdoc.

"NANCY! COME HERE!" Noodle screamed.

A woman in a skirt and low-cut top came in and grinned.

Murdoc's heart leapt into his throat. _She is FINE! _

Beavis and Butthead were immediately standing next to her.

"Aww, Mudsie, how did you know I've always had a crush on them!"

Then the three walked out with Murdoc staring after.

Sorry everyone, I lost heart in this story a while ago, a GIANT writer's block I suppose…… Well, please comment! Sorry the story's so short!


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